A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize