I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't you send me to vm
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize