I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
