I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
