There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
