I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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