That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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