do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
