I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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