I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
