i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
