he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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