I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
