it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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