Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
