He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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