I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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