You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i came on her dog
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
