How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
