New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
