u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize