I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
