saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
