After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
