We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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