nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize