his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
