He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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