so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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