I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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