What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Found the puke drawer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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