i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
