He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
