at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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