Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
