There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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