In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
