Dual....:-)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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