just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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