17 year olds will be the death of me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
