She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
