So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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