my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
