I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
