For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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