In the future we'll all be gay
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
