Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
