i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
