Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
