I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
