Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
