Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize