2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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