I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
