Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
