I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
