i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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