Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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