Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
