im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
