So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
