so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize