I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
