apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
