I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
