Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
