Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
