mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
