She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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