come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
