I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
