I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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