Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
