umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
