Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
