Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
